Cancer Journal

I am going in a different direction than what I have posted here in the past.

I was told about 2 weeks ago that I have stage III cancer. This was after months of being told that, whatever was wrong with me, it definitely wasn't cancer. Well, it was. Is. They finally figured it out after all my reproductive organs were surgically removed, and cut up for pathology. My uterine wall was almost consumed with cancer. It had spread to my left ovary. We don't know if it was in the lymph nodes, because--having been assured it was not cancer--the surgeon did not remove them. My 5-year survival rate will be something like 70% if there was no cancer in the lymph nodes. It will be something like 50% if there was. They will not do more surgery to find out because the treatment is the same either way--only the prognosis changes.

I thought I'd write about the experience of chemo and radiation, and coping with cancer in general, here. No one will want to read it, and why should they? But I think I might get something out of writing it.

This was Seasons, one of my favorite restaurants. It had great food, a pretty interior, a pleasant patio out back - all gone now. After lunch yesterday I heard someone shout "Seasons is on fire!" I could see a huge plume of smoke from my office window. After a while we could smell it too, and by the time I went home I had a headache from breathing smoke. Every fire truck in the county showed up. The two buildings next door were utterly destroyed by fire too - evidently the three had shared an attic. I won't lament the T-shirt shop so much, but the third building was another favorite restaurant, Le Rendezvous Cafe. It only served breakfast and lunch, but they had a wonderful bakery on the premises. Both restaurants were popular with both locals and tourists.

The buildings were evacuated in time, but there was an explosion about an hour into the fire that blew out the fronts of all three businesses and several firemen were injured (none dangerously). I was told that Rene, the owner of Le Rendezvous, was standing on the street in shock, helplessly repeating that all his recipes were in the computer in the office and he didn't have another copy.

All those people out of work, this huge swath of destruction in the middle of our pretty Main Avenue, two beloved restaurants gone... it's just so sad.

After years of drought I know I'm supposed to be happy about all the snow. And I am... but it is so scary to drive in. The roads this morning had a coating of ice with snow on top. It was like riding a roller coaster to work. Key learning: do everything you can to avoid using your brakes. Because it makes you go sideways.



Took this picture on Main Avenue, where I had walked at lunchtime to buy a book and a sandwich.

This is my fat cat, Myst. (There's also skinny Minnie.) She loves to sprawl on her back like this. I don't know why I find it so amusing but I do.




I find it very difficult to take a picture of either cat without their eyes looking like beacons.

It was a doozy. Started snowing, hard, about 10:00 am Friday and didn't stop until early Sunday morning. The roads were terrifying. We got at least a foot of heavy, wet snow in that time. Maybe more. It's hard to tell when it's so wet, because it melts and settles a bit. Anyway, I was inspired to take this picture of the tree by my front porch last night, because I was amazed by how much snow was coating it.




(click on picture for enlargement)

Our power went out shortly after I took this picture Saturday night and didn't come back on until about 7:00pm Sunday. And my furnace, though it's propane, does not work without electricity. Son and I spent the early part of this evening playing Scrabble by candlelight, in our coats and hats. There just aren't that many entertainment options when you have no heat or light, you know? I think we both really appreciate electricity at this point. :)

Oh, and that tree? The biggest branch was broken when I woke up this morning. Just too much weight I guess.

I had a lot of fun with this journal in 2007, but the frequency dropped off sadly as the year progressed. I've decided I can't really manage a picture a day. But I liked how keeping the camera with me, and keeping pictures in mind, changed the way I looked at the world: the way it kept me looking for whatever was beautiful or interesting. So I've decided to try to keep going in 2008, but without the pressure of trying for daily updates. :)



In keeping with prior (lax!) form, this picture is from a couple of weeks ago. My mother lives in Bisbee, Arizona, a town so far south it's almost in Mexico. It's smack in the middle of the Sonoran Desert but since the altitude is about 5000 feet, the climate is quite pleasant. It was an important copper mining town in the early 20th century. There's still this incredible pit where the main mine was - I'll have to get a picture of that next time I'm down there.

My family gathered there for an early Christmas. We generally meet up there a couple times a year as travel is difficult for my mother. Apart from that, though, I think we've all rather come to love Bisbee for its quirky beauty and the incredibly clear air and blue skies. I know I have. Like many old mining towns in the Mountain West, it has become a minor tourist destination and a home to artists and eccentrics of all types.

More Bisbee pics

A few family pics

I wish you all a very happy New Year!

I visited what must surely be one of the most extraordinary sites in North America today. Chaco Canyon is a broad, flat valley between two mesas of roughly equal height. Within it are the ruins of what was clearly a highly complex and developed culture. The Navajo word for them is Anasazi, which means something like "enemies of our ancestors" or "ancient enemies". (The Navajo arrived in this area much later.) Anasazi isn't considered a politically correct name any more. The preferred term is Ancestral Puebloans, for the Anasazi are thought to be the ancestors of the Hopi, Zuni, and Pueblo Indians of the Four Corners area - all of whom still use kivas for ceremonial purposes. But it's not at all clear how the descent happened, or how direct it was, so I still use the Navajo word. Seems as good as any.

It was just a day trip, so we only had time to visit "Pueblo Bonita" as it's called. There are literally hundreds of ruins in the area, so we only scratched the surface. But Pueblo Bonita is the largest of the ruins, and clearly ceremonial in character. There is a huge plaza, bisected by a precise north-south aligned wall, and many, many kivas. Far too many for the people who could have lived in the rooms there. Pueblo Bonita is also the most completely excavated of the ruins - you can walk through the plaza and some of the connected rooms, and look down into the kivas.

Later we hiked to the top of the mesa so we could look down on the ruin. It was an appalling trail - sorry I don't have any pictures. It was basically a scramble up over huge rocks. I kept wishing I had longer legs. But the view was incredible, and oh, the sky. You've never seen a bluer one.

I fell in love with this place, and feel sure I will visit it many more times.

More of my Chaco Canyon pictures

Wikipedia Chaco Canyon entry

Wikipedia Pueblo Bonita entry

Park Service Chaco Canyon site

Hey, at least it wasn't clouds this time!

But all I have is another bloody cloud picture!



What can I say? I love these dramatic Colorado skies.

Spent 4th of July week at the Outer Banks in North Carolina with many, many aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, second cousins once removed, etc. For many years my father's clan has been gathering there every summer for a week. Last time I attended was 25 years ago. It was great to see everybody, and it was a delightful vacation in every way. Swam in the ocean every day, ate like a queen, and just generally had a fine time. Many thanks to my cousin Liebe for arranging everything.

Shown is the lighthouse at Cape Hatteras, which in 2000 was moved about half a mile inland because it was about to fall victim to the encroaching sea.

More vacation pictures here

Family pictures here

Today was "Bike to work/Walk to work" day in Durango. I wasn't going to participate - I live 13 miles from work, which is too far to walk, and the highway is too scary for biking. But my employer seriously encouraged participation, and allowed as how it would be okay to park one's car some distance from work and walk from there. Even so I wasn't going to participate, but my staff kind of ganged up on me. (There was a promise of a free pizza party for any department that got 100% participation. We geeks do seem to love pizza. Except for me - but I am a river to my people!)

So I left my car at a park on the river a bit more than a mile from work this morning. There's a walk/bike path along the river for a couple of miles. It was quite pleasant walking to work in the early morning coolness. I was afraid walking back in the evening heat might not be as enjoyable, but it turned out fine. It was pretty hot, but there was shade most of the way, and the river itself radiates coolness. Gave me a good chance to take some pics of the river, which is famous for its whitewater rafting.

More pictures here

So I gather I'm having pizza for lunch tomorrow...

Went to the Vietnamese nail place in town today for a pedicure. In every town I've lived in for the last decade or so, all the best nail salons are owned and operated by Vietnamese. No idea why - guess they saw an opportunity and went for it.

When Kim was almost finished, she said, "You want design on big toe? Not big, look natural. Come on! Summer!" How could I resist? She grabbed the white polish and swiped on this delicate design with a few deft strokes, then added three tiny dabs of gold glitter. I'm charmed.

Next week at this time I'll be at the beach in North Carolina. At least my toes are ready!

For no reason we understand, the last shipment we received from Cisco contained, along with the switch we had ordered, an enormous refrigerator-type magnet depicting the Cisco logo. Must have been some shipping person's idea of a joke. Oddly, it's the "old" Cisco logo - and yes, we're geeky enough to know that. My network admin was highly amused and insisted on showing it to me. We figured, what the hey, it's a refrigerator magnet - let's put it on the refrigerator. (We have a tiny one in the department.)

Which we now refer to as a router.

On June 16, 2007, my only child was awarded his bachelor's degree in Creative Writing from the University of California at Riverside. The medallion on the ribbon around his neck indicates he graduated cum laude - with honors. The lei was a gift from a friend. He is surrounded by his proud parents.

More pictures here

I think it might have been the happiest day of my life. :)

Despite the Jane Wyman hair.

I went to work yesterday (Saturday) because the guy who does maintenance on our battery backup was coming in. Just as I parked the train went by so I snapped this. It's the old narrow gauge rails and rolling stock from the days when the train brought ore down from the mining towns to Durango, the main railhead. It goes up to Silverton and back a couple times a day in the summer.

The train is Durango's main tourist attraction. People come here for the mountains, the hiking, the river rafting, and just to get out of the heat of the desert, in great numbers all summer long. We also have a charming and lively main street with lots of good restaurants and night spots. But it's the train we're famous for, to the degree we are famous.

Its path through the mountains is quite different from the road and the scenery is spectacular, especially in fall when the aspens are turning.

My friend Carolyn has a daughter and grandaughter visiting and invited me to dinner with them this evening. (Sea bass baked with veggies - yum!) I was greeted upon arrival by three tiny and extremely enthusiastic dogs. Two live there, one is visiting. I wanted a picture of all three together, but dogs aren't terribly cooperative about posing. Had to settle for separate pictures. None of these critters weighs more than 8 pounds.

Here are Ollie and Annie, resident dogs:


Ollie is half dachshund and half Yorkie, or as my friend calls him, a "dorkie". Annie is pure miniature dachshund, and has the silkiest coat you ever felt. Fierce little thing, too, but we made friends long ago.

And here is Julie, the visitor (Ollie's mother, as it happens):


I often take Maggie along when I visit Carolyn but suspected a 4th dog might be de trop this evening...

She looks like a big dog, doesn't she? She only weighs about 33 pounds though, and her back only comes up to about my knee. Appearances can be deceiving. On her dog license it says she's a "Shepherd mix" but she's awfully small for one. Sometimes I tell people she's a Miniature German Shepherd just to see if they laugh at me.

They aren't as fragrant as I would like, but all lilacs are pretty, aren't they?

It has rained and rained this last week, after a winter with very little snowfall. Yet I heard that 2 feet of snow fell on the peaks yesterday.

It's not much of a house; small, unimpressive. But I find it comfortable, and I love its location. You can see what all the rain has done to the meadow grass. Very green, very tall. Just today I was able to strike an agreement with a fellow to come mow it.

Today was the first Farmer's Market in Durango in 2007. It runs from May-September, every Saturday morning, and I usually go. I love the fresh vegetables, flowers, pot-plants, homemade jams and other foods, organic meat and eggs, handcrafts, homemade soap and candles - all that. You can buy coffee or juice to drink, and goodies to consume on the spot, and there's always some activities for small children. I love the feel of the event. It's very medieval in a way, isn't it? Market day. You meet people you know, you shop a bit, there's music, people bring their dogs, everyone is friendly.

It was a gorgeous morning, warm and sunny, and everything is finally green.

*swoons for spring, here at last*

I took this on Friday, actually, from the deck at the vet's. Had taken Maggie in to renew her Bordatella vaccine, because I had just found out I had to go to New Mexico on Monday. They have a great view of the river which, as you see, is nearly overflowing at this point from snowmelt.